“Just When I Need Him Most”
I Waited patiently for the LORD; and HE inclined unto me, and heard my cry…The LORD will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing; thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness. (Psalm 40:1 & Psalm 41:3)
You (God) are the Source of My Strength (Nehemiah 8:10)…For so many of us, we learn to rely on Jesus Christ as our GREAT PHYSICIAN…I know I have. Here is my own personal testimony of such:
My first bout with illness happened when I was six years old. I was diagnosed (back in the early 60’s) with rheumatic fever. I missed a lot of school that year with recurring sore throats, recurrent fever and rash, and constant leg aches. But, God blessed me with a high level of energy, so I ran and jumped as often I could! As I have written before, at the age of ten, I underwent open heart surgery for a blockage in the aorta artery. But, God graciously blessed me with gifted doctors and a full recovery.
I had a wonderfully active life as a teenage, married my high school boyfriend, and eventually gave birth to three daughters that include a set of identical twins. Right after my youngest daughter was born, I was diagnosed with chronic nephritis and migraine headaches that I suffered for the next ten years. Also, when she turned two years old, I underwent a total hysterectomy. Then, at the age 30, I was diagnosed with chronic Epstein-Barr Virus as well as a mass on my pancreas. God came on the scene and healed me of the mass and my EBV levels eventually returned to normal over the next year. Later that same year, I underwent a lumpectomy in my left breast that was thankfully benign.
Then, in 2005 I suffered a cerebral brain aneurysm that God mercifully allowed a wonderful team of neuro-surgeons to successfully repair through a cutting-edge platinum-coiling procedure. I was able to return to the classroom teaching within twenty days! Five years later, I underwent back surgery (fusion L4-L5 and shaving of the bone) for a sustained lumbar injury. Believing that the worse was behind me, on August 17th, 2010, (six weeks after the back surgery) I suffered a stroke from a spontaneous vertebral artery dissection…Once again, God graciously and miraculously allowed me to recover; however, I did suffer some mild to moderate impairments. At doctor’s orders, I retired early from teaching school and changed my entire routine of life…So, for the past two years this coming August, I have adjusted well (a few bumps here and there) and learned to enjoy my life on good days as well as some not so good days…Life is often what we choose to make it and how we see it!
Then, last week, after three previous trips to the doctor’s office for a sudden on-set of laryngitis, fever, swollen lymph nodes, joint pain, and several abnormal lab results, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis with chronic fibromyalgia. All believed to be a direct result of childhood rheumatic fever, overall weakened immune system from on-going illnesses, and the EBV that has highly reactivated itself in my system. Ouch! But, I can’t give up…I won’t give up…Why?? I have way too much to live for and too much to do…And, way too many people whom I love and do not wish to let down….
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not Mary Poppins singing, ” a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down….” Not at all…I have my moments…It’s difficult at times and a challenge to go from an overly active life style as being a pastor’s wife, ladies Bible teacher, and church pianist, along with being a mother, grandmother, and public school teacher to being retired and learning to “do” on the days I feel like it…and rest on those days that I don’t… (I’m pretty certain many of you can sadly relate.)
But, I am truly enjoying my new life-style in so many newer ways. For one, I love the serenity and peace that it provides me and the added and deeper quality and quantity alone time with God…I am learning that God is more interested in developing a one-on-one relationship with me and me with Him than any other goal in life…I also enjoy “blogging” and writing in my journals including a journal I am writing for my grandchildren that gives Biblical advise and words of encouragement from “Meemaw.” And, I smile more often, laugh more often, love more often, and enjoy life more often…I light candles more often, listen to fine music more often, enjoy intimate dinners with my husband more often, sit out on my deck more often, and look up at the brilliant blue sky more often…I guess you would say that my life right now is all about doing personal quality things “More Often!”
So, right now, just as with so many other times in my life, “Just When I Need Him (God) Most…God is always right beside me, leading, guiding, and directing my path through the good times and some not so good times…. Like many of you, I can truly testify that God is my Great Physician!!! The Source of My Strength…I lift my Hands in Total Praise to the Source of My Strength…Amen…
Remember, God Loves You!
Lin T. Rollins, Author